You're not trying to Dot the I ~ Sean Dargen

A few months ago I joined a support group for fat girls who are honestly working on losing weight. These women have been so supportive and have really helped me stay on course. I am still 43 pounds down. I have hit a bit of a plateau with loss but at least I am still losing inches!

Well, a few weeks ago someone brought up the idea we should all start running. WHAT? I don't run! Even if someone was going to kill me I wouldn't run. I would tell them to just kill me because there is no point in them chasing me because I don't run! But since others are going to suffer with me I decided to give it a go.

Supposedly you can learn how to run a 5K in 2-3 months. I am thinking it is going to take me 6 months because I don't know how to run. I swear to god! I haven't run since I was in college. If you can call sprinting with high heels in hand to the Billabong to do shots before the bar closes running. Anyhoo, I started running toe to heel and Sean told me that was wrong. He said I need to really try to run heel to toe. Well, I look like the worlds biggest idiot. I was trying to run heel to toe and some how started swinging my arms up in front of me while leaning backwards and kind of kicking my legs. Sean got freaking hysterical and informed me "Michelle, you aren't trying to dot the I!!" He then went back to laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. "Dotting the I" is a tradition with The Ohio State Marching Band where a 4th-5th year sousaphone player marches out to dot the i of the word Ohio. Now for those of you who don't know what "dotting the i" means here is a quick video. The dotting starts at 1:42


I am a huge dork.

Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge. ~ Don Kardong

It has been awhile since I have chatted about my weight loss adventure. I was getting frustrated for while and decided not to worry about it so much. Then I discovered...This may actually BE my year to get skinny. I have lost a wee bit over 40 pounds the last few months!!

I haven't really been watching what I eat. I am a cook, a baker, and a mommy so personalized green salads aren't happening everyday. :) I still enjoy deliciously, bad for you food but one thing has changed. I have been swimming. I try to go 3-4 times a week for at least an hour. I found a great pool that isn't very crowded so I can do my chubby girl laps. Yeah, there won't be any gold medals for this mama anytime soon. Perhaps swimming is what my body needs right now.

It is weird losing weight. I haven't really been able to see it. When I look in the mirror I notice my face is a bit thinner but my body looks the same. But today at physical therapy while I was doing strength training I saw it. I actually stopped what I was doing to stare at my body. Wow. It was amazing. My legs look thinner, my hips look thinner I couldn't believe it. So, I turned to look at myself sideways. My stomach looks thinner!!! Now, I am still a chubby mama with a long way to go but this has given me some serious incentive.

Speaking of incentives, I have decided when I lose 10 more pounds I can buy some new pants. All of my pants can be slipped on and off without having to unbutton or unzip them. Including the pair I used to refer to as my "skinny jeans"!! Now, that is a good feeling!! I showed this trick to Sean and offered up his ski suspenders! :)

Just to give you an idea of how far I have come here are a few pictures from when I was my heaviest to now. Not too bad! I think I am doing a pretty good job!


This was taken in Tulum, Mexico 2006 - It is strange to think I had gotten so big. Sure, It hadn't even been a year since I had had Agnes but come on! Never again will this happen to me. It makes me sad.

These were taken at a tree farm down the road from our house.



I think I look like a completely different person. I look so much happier.


Well, that is my fat girl update. Pretty exciting wouldn't you say?!?!

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels

I am so excited. I wanted to lose 20 before the end of the year and I am down 23 pounds! I can't wait to weigh myself on New Years Eve to see how much I lost total. My plan is working. I have finally found my weight loss path. YAY!! I think it just took awhile to get settled into my new life here in the Pacific NW. All my pants are starting to get baggy. It is such a great feeling!

Saturday we are decorating sugar skulls for Dia de los Muertos. Agnes is having a little friend over to decorate with her. I am decorating skulls for all of my family and friends that are gone for our home altar. I am also making a sugar Our Lady of Guadalupe. I think she is going to turn out really cool. After I finish those I am decorating 24 mini sugar skulls to put on top of the cupcakes that I am sending to work with Sean on his birthday. His birthday is on Halloween so I thought they would make really cool cupcake toppers.

Tomorrow night Sean and I get to go out for happy hour. We haven't been out without Agnes since April. It is definitely time. We are meeting up with a bunch of people at OBA. Their menu looks tasty. The prawn ceviche sounds divine. That will definitely be ordered. How about roasted butternut squash enchiladas with creamy toasted walnut sauce and quinoa salad? Um, YUM!! My stomach is growling now. I just need to remember while I am there "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!"

"Oh wait... was she a great big fat person? " ~ Jame Gumb

Since my back surgery at the end of May I have been taking it kind of easy. I have been doing Bikram but I do a lot of it at home instead of the studio. I think it has to do with the weather. It is finally summer here. The sun is out, the sky is blue, and you can actually feel warm!! Hurrah! I love practicing Bikram but it is so hard to go into that studio when it is so beautiful outside. I am thinking it may be my cold weather work-out. There is so much to do around here for exercise that I don't necessarily need to be in a stink studio heated to 105 degrees.

It makes me laugh when I look back at my blog. Here I am trying to lose weight but I keep posting pictures of sweet treats I have made. The good thing about making so many is that I don't like to eat them anymore. Trust me that is a good thing! I stepped on the scale today and I think I have hit a plateau. I haven't gone up or down for a couple of months. Totally frustrating. I'm not sure what is going on. I think the change up in my daily exercise will help.

Today is one of those days I feel like I am destined to be the fat girl. One of those days when I look in the mirror and realize my head is too small for my big body. Ugh. I am usually a pretty self confident person but there are some days when my weight gets the best of me. I hate these feelings. I truly do.

I guess all I can do is walk around the park again and cut my portions in half again. Hmmm, I have a feeling today is going to be bitchy.

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time. ~ Anna Frued

Inspired by my best friend Jody I went to an intuitive painting workshop this weekend. It went from 10 until 5 both Saturday and Sunday. What a nice break! It was so much fun meeting and connecting with some really great women. There were a lot of laughs, tears, and overall joy.

It was nice chatting with these women about every aspects of our lives. I told them about my almost lifetime struggle with weight issues. It was really nice to get it off my chest to a group of people who weren't going to judge me. They all gave me suggestions and encouragement. Then we all discussed our favorite recipes! It was such a blast. I really cannot wait to hang out with these women again. It is like we were all suppose to there with each other.

There is something very similar to this in Denver but this was so much better. Unlike the workshop in Denver we were allowed to expand our paintings to make them as big or as small as they needed to be. We were allowed to use as loads of brushes, paints, sponges, and other materials. There was a such a feeling of creativity, freedom, and being a child!

The pictures are small but there are a lot of them. I wish they would have come out bigger. I have asked Carolyn (the woman who lead the workshop) to send me the full-size pictures if she still has them.

The very first strokes. I was kind of nervous and didn't want to make a fool of myself.



Scattered chaos



Is that a boob?



I think that might be a boob!



Down on the floor painting. It was so fantastic!



Filling up more space



Hmmm, it seems to me that I am painting upside down



Yep, I was definitely painting upside down



I love how it keeps changing



Another layer



Some flowers...



Still blooming



This was the last photo taken Saturday evening



Sunday morning. Shapes are starting to emerge.



Oh, hello birdies! It is really strange that birds were coming out. I don't really like birds but I could see them in a bunch of different brush strokes.



They just kept popping up



Spider legs have disappeared into a cloud of purple



This is my favorite picture of my painting. The big red bird is my favorite. She came out of 4 different shapes that had been painting on over the weekend. Truly incredible that she appeared.



Thorny rose bushes for protection. These were the last things I painted. After I painted them on I just knew I was done.



My finished painting. I love my painting so much. I want to seal it and hang it in Agnes' bedroom. There is something so fairy tale about it.


This was truly a life changing weekend.

My journey with weight loss took me on a path to this workshop. I wasn't hungry once while painting. Maybe there is something in the smell of fresh paint that works as an appetite suppressant!!!!

"Life is trying things to see if they work" ~ Ray Bradbury

Yes, August was my last post. Life has taken some pretty unexpected turns in the past 6 months. Things I never imagined happening. In December, we moved to Portland, Oregon. We were moving so we could be closer to Sean's dad who had been ill. Jim passed away on November 30th. I miss Jim greatly. He was such a fun guy. It really sucks for Agnes that she will never know her Grandpa.

It has been a year since I started this blog and guess what? I am not skinny! Am I sad? No! I am 20 pounds lighter than I was when I started this journal. And, you know what? THAT ROCKS! I am still working out as much as I can. I have finally found a gym here in Portland that I love. I have been doing my cardio stuff and started back up with the weights. I have been taking Nia classes as well. They are so much fun but I feel like a complete idiot dancing around. I am trying to find a yoga instructor that I like. Until I do I will continue doing yoga here at home. Agnes loves doing yoga or oh-ga with me. She will roll out my mat, step into Mountain pose, and yell "Mommy! Oh-ga! Now!" I may not get to my full routine but who cares when I can do Oh-ga with my Bug.

I will be having back surgery again in May/June. I am really hoping this is the last time I will have to have it done. It is such an inconvineice. At least Agnes is going to "school" two days a week so that should help with my recovery time.

I have some friends who have just started a blog of their own called Wheres My Damn Answer Weblog - Five Girls on Wine Looking for the Answer. Swing on by for a read. They are a bunch of really fun gals.

Now, that I have a little bit more time on my hands I really hope to keep up with my journal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I have said it before but I am thinking the more I write about this journey the more it will help me.