Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. ~ Amy Bloom

This blog is to record and share my struggles with trying to get to my goal weight. But sometimes I need a place to vent, be happy, share news, and talk about other things in my life.

Today is one of those days. I have friends who are separated and headed towards divorce. This is the third couple in two years that have split up. One split up because they fell out of love, another because one person was so selfish they couldn’t care for the other when they truly needed it, and the other due to infidelity.

I am not up on a soapbox about divorce. Not at all. I have been divorced. I was married at age 20 and divorced before I was 22. It was a stupid and rebellious act my family never happened. Sean was married and divorced too. So, I have no room to talk about if divorce is wrong or right.

I have a tendency to believe everyone besides Sean and I have a perfect marriage. That we are the only ones who fight, disagree, and get mad. I truly believed these three couples had perfect marriages. It always seemed like everything came so easy for them. Money, big houses, fancy cars, loads of vacations, etc. They all have children and the moms had the perfect births that I thought I deserved. Jealously is a horrible emotion.

One couple is extremely religious. We had been friends with the husband for years before he got married. When I first met his girlfriend soon-to-be wife, I didn’t like her very much. Even after they wed I didn’t like her very much. She was never very nice to me. She had a tendency to talk down to me. I don’t know if it is because we worked in different fields or if it was because I don’t practice the same faith as she does. She always gave the appearance of perfection. I admit I have shed a few tears comparing myself to her even though I thought she was mean. When I found about everything this morning I felt a small amount of joy. Schadenfreude at its finest. Don’t get me wrong I feel absolutely horrible for her husband and their children. But the fact she is the one who cheated only proves she is the bitch I always said she was. Oh, and she is pregnant again. There is some question as to who is the father. What the hell? This whole situation surprises me so much.

How do you recover from something like this? I don’t understand why people cheat. I have been cheated on and it is the most hurtful thing you can do to a person you say you love. Even though it happened almost 18 years ago when I think about my ex-husband cheating on me it still makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t even imagine how much worse it is when you have children.

I may not have the perfect marriage. We fight, disagree, and get mad. But maybe that is why we are so happy. At least when we fight, disagree, and get mad we are telling the truth about our feelings. Plus, we make each laugh more than any other couple I have ever met. We may not be perfect but we sure as hell are HAPPY!!

One should eat to live, not live to eat. ~ Cicero

Hooray! I found a Bikram studio in Vancouver. Even though Vancouver is a suburb of Portland trying to get to a 9 o'clock class in the middle of rush hour just doesn't appeal to me.

The studio practices the Bikram series of poses but can't call themselves a Bikram studio because they don't have a 3,000 sq. ft. room. That is just silly. I don't care though. I don't need the "brand name", ya know.

Tuesday, I hit up the Nike Employee Store (yes, I get to shop in one of the coolest stores ever...1/2 off Cole Haan anyone?) after yoga. I needed to get some new sports bras and some pants to wear during class. You need to wear tight fitting clothes so that is fun for me. :( I started trying things on and everything was too big! I went down one size in sports bras and cotton work out pants! WOOT! I also picked up a pair of Nike Mary Jane's for 15 bucks and Agnes a new pair of black hi-top chucks for 10 bucks. I love that store.

I found out that I can take my mom to the Niketown in downtown Portland and get her 40 percent off. She isn't allowed to go to the NES. I feel like such a snob :)

I feel so good this week. It is really weird but I feel clean. I don't know how to explain it. Not like clean from taking a shower but everything about me feels clean. Clean thoughts (maybe I should say positive LOL), clean on the inside and outside, clean eating, just clean.

Is it possible I am just really happy? Me, happy? No. Well, yes! Yes, I am really, really happy!!