Ecstasy is a glassful of tea and a piece of sugar in the mouth. ~ Alexander Pushkin

It has been two days with no sugar. No cakes, no brownies, no cookies, no white or wheat bread (had rye bread with no sugar in it last night), etc. Who knew it would be this hard to not eat sugar.

I am craving a cuppa tea and pain au chocolat. I think the whole reason I am having these horrible, horrible cravings is because I am not allowed to have them.

I have been asked to make a few St. Patrick's Day cookie bouquets with my Irish shortbread cookies. I got this recipe from Mrs. Burns (she is the mum of a very good friend) when I was in Ireland. It is seriously the best cookie in the world. How am I suppose to make these and not eat one? I have no self control.

I feel like an epic failure today. I had a Diet Coke with lunch. This might be my true addiction. Last Autumn I went 6 months without Diet Coke. The first couple of weeks were the hardest and then I didn't miss it. I just need start again tomorrow.

I am definitely sick of being the "fat one" among my friends. Ugh.

That is enough of my feeling sorry for myself. Well, at least for today.

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. ~Author Unknown

Well, I did it. I took that giant step and told my doctor I am a stress eater. You may not think that is a hard thing to admit but it is. There is a sense of failure that comes with it. We talked about a few different ideas today. I will continue going to the gym, swimming with Agnes, and going for my walks.

There is also some medication involved. I had been on Merida for about 6 months. It worked great! I dropped 20 pounds. Can you say fantastic? It works amazing. There is only one small problem...it is 125 dollars a month. My insurance doesn't cover it, which is really stupid. My dr. had me start taking a low does of another medication that is suppose to help people with addictions. He seems to think I have a sugar addiction and I think he is right. I crave sugar. Morning, noon, and night it is all I want to eat. I haven't had sugar in two days. Instead, I have been eating those little clementine oranges. Now, don't start on me about the sugar in fruit. I do not believe in any diet that doesn't allow you fruit.

I am also cutting out the Diet Coke addiction. I love Diet Coke. Oh, how I love Diet Coke. My best friend Jody can testify my love of the Diet Coke. It is the perfect hang-over drink, it goes well with all food, and it has the best bubbles ever. The only time I never drank it is when I was pregnant. How is it you can give something up for 10 months of your life but as soon as you can you start up it comes back 1000 worse? Anyhoo, I haven't had a DC in two days.

The biggest step I am taking is next Tuesday I am meeting up with a dietitian at OHSU's Clinic of Health and Healing. As nervous as I am about this appointment I am also very excited. It is a nice feeling to have this team behind me to help me get healthy!! She wants me to bring a food and activity journal. The activity journal will be a piece of cake (HA!) but the food journal is going to be harder. How can I admit to a dietitian I made reuben sammies for dinner tonight? Sure, they were a healthy version but still. What is she going to say when she sees I don't eat brekkie? Give me a cup of coffee or 12 for brekkie and lunch and I am good to go.

They say the first step is the hardest so why does it feel like I have been crawling UP this staircase for the past 4 years?