Monday, June 2, 2008

“The only cure for grief is action.” ~ G. H. Lewes

In 2002 I was pregnant with our first child. We were so excited and so naive. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I knew exactly how I wanted the nursery to look. It was going to be an explosion of Dr. Seuss. I bought every Dr. Seuss thing I could find. Stuffed Dr. Seuss characters, fabric, books, an extremely rare hand painted ceiling light fixture (this is hanging in Agnes' room. It is too cool and means too much to me), and 19 different figurines and snow globes. Well, those of you who know me know how this story ends*.

For the past 6 1/2 years I have kept these things locked in a closet. I didn't know what to do with them. When Agnes was born I couldn't bring myself to use them for her nursery. These weren't for her! These were for Saffy (the name we gave our baby boy). It just didn't seem right to decorate with them. It seemed disrespectful. Like if I used them it meant Saffy was just a thing that happened and not our child. I don't really know how to explain it. It's like if I keep them long enough it will turn back time and things will be made right.

When we moved to Portland I packed the figurines and snow globes in a clear, plastic tub. When we got to Portland they went in the basement. I didn't see them for months. Then they came with us when we moved to Vancouver. The tub ended up on a top shelf in our garage. Every time I pulled out or into the garage I would see them and think of Baby Saffy. Yesterday I had had enough. I asked Sean to bring in the clear, plastic tub filled with memories that need to go away.

I just listed all 19 figurines and snow globes on Ebay. As I was taking pictures of them I started to cry. Sean gave me a big hug and told me this is a really good thing. It is another step in the right direction of letting go. Sean is completely right that we don't need a museum to remember Saffy. We will never forget him.


**If you are new to my blog and you want to know the whole story I am more than happy to share with you. Just let me know


jody said...

I'm so proud of you...that must've been a very hard step to take.

I love you with all my heart and soul and am always here for you!

Michelle said...

Thanks girlie. I was secretly hoping no one would bid but 10 of them are going to sell. Now, I am excited to get some cash. I decided Agnes and I are going to do something fun with the money. :)

Love ya,

Dale said...

This makes so much sense to me. I'm glad you didn't try to "be sensible" and use all the stuff anyway. Sometimes sensible just isn't appropriate.